For over two decades, ten of my friends and I have been getting together two or three times a year. Since we rarely see each other between these get-togethers, we spend a couple of days catching up on our lives and then have a conversation about some topic or theme of interest to everyone in the group, such as dealing with health challenges as we age or planning for our financial future. This October, we chose to talk about what’s going on in the Middle East. Not surprisingly, our conversation with this gentleman about conflict in the Middle East devolved into a discussion of the upcoming U.S. 2024 election and what we might do after November 5th if Donald Trump should win. It turns out, surprisingly, both topics are connected.

We didn’t want our conversation to become a mishmash of opinions, so each of us did some additional reading beforehand. One of our members even prepared a very thorough briefing document containing “just the facts” on the history of the Israel-Palestine conflict. Another member arranged for us to have a Zoom call during our get-together with one of our mutual friends who is currently living in Israel and who has been actively working to find a peaceful solution to this seemingly intractable problem for most of his life. Indeed, this ‘inside man’ was a confidant of two key players in the October 1994 Jordan-Israel peace treaty: Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin and his Foreign Minister Simon Peres.

What’s at stake?

Any conversation I had been in previously about what’s happening in the Middle East was usually a labyrinth of twists and turns, points and counter points, and endless, mostly circular views of how the world got itself into this mess. While there is some consensus that a two-state solution is the only viable way forward, this is viewed by some as a fanciful and wishful scenario for a variety of reasons. From what I can tell, it would seem almost everyone agrees that negotiating or implementing a two-state solution is extremely unlikely and, for many, impossible.

This conversation was different. Our friend in Israel opened my eyes to the reality on the ground. He shared what it’s like to wake up every morning since the age of thirteen in a space of “war—not war (yet)”. He has had to accept that two of his three children and all his grandchildren are emigrating to other countries. His vision for Israel is of a country to which they would want to return.

Human beings and cultures can adapt to almost anything.

In the current narrative we have about the Middle East, what’s at stake for all parties is survival. This produces moods ranging from resistance and anger to resignation and hopelessness that the current ‘reality’ may never end. With this narrative and these moods running in the background, the problem of unrest in the region persists and will continue to persist.

Our friend in Israel was very clear that Netanyahu is a dictator whom he hopes will be replaced. However, when I asked what would happen if Netanyahu ignored the democratic process and resisted a peaceful transfer of power after the October 27th election, he replied that the only likely response would be some kind of coup. As in the United States of America, the population is polarized and the extremists on both sides are, for all practical purposes, speaking different languages. The bottom line, from his point of view? In his words, the only path forward involves a fundamental “reboot”, a deep and fundamental rethinking and re-creating of the raison d’être, the vision, the values and core principles by which people in the Middle East choose to design their institutions, practices, and relationships. Therefore, a “reboot” not only of Israel, but also of the entire region. (I call this a transformation because this would mean a breakthrough in the paradigm within which everyone has been working on the problem.) Essentially, he was saying, “We can’t get there from here unless we reinvent/redesign who we are as a society and as individuals.” While this is one man’s point of view, albeit the perspective of an eminently qualified and experienced observer, he himself would be the first to admit he still prays for a miracle or some other unforeseen and unforeseeable breakthrough to occur.

This conversation reminded me that our views, our opinions, and even our commitments are all connected to the way we perceive reality. For instance, I am—and many of us are—deeply embedded in the commonly held view that every situation can be reduced to some binary construct: good/evil, cause/effect, and (to the point in the Middle East) problem/solution. How profoundly naïve and blind I am/we are to think in such reductionistic terms and assume we can really ‘know’ what’s going on. Our world is incredibly complex and, ultimately, uncontrollable.

What if…?

I think the notion that every problem has a solution is at the heart of why the mass of issues in the Middle East is persisting—and perhaps why polarization persists in America.

What if I take the point of view that there are some problems that simply cannot be solved?

There is a freedom in accepting “what is” and choosing to stop trying to control something you don’t control. I find I can relax and stop going round and round trying to figure out who is right and who is wrong, why it is the way it is, or endlessly debating various scenarios of how the situation might be resolved and returned to some state of whatever ‘normal’ might be. When I stop trying to figure it out and win one argument or another, I am able to accept the tragedy, the horror, and the unbelievable waste that is accruing every day.

We ended our group’s conversation with some of us acknowledging that the situation in the Middle East is hopeless—unless there is ‘something bigger’ than the combatants that both sides trust. That is, without Jehovah or Allah producing a miracle or some intervention from a global institution like the United Nations, this regional transformation just isn’t going to happen. For transformation to occur, it’s necessary to create a new context larger than the problem, otherwise every solution created inside the old context becomes a new and often bigger problem.

I learned of this need for ‘something bigger’ myself thirty years ago in a twelve-step program. If you’ve ever been in one or known someone who has, you’ll understand what I mean. Nothing will change for an addict unless and until they acknowledge two facts: a) there is no possibility their problem can be solved inside the framework in which they are trying to solve it, and b) they have no control (choice) in the matter. Once this step is taken, it becomes clear that, if there is ever going to be a possibility of a solution, it will come from some source outside the framework in which the problem exists as a problem (a Higher Power). In other words, self-will or force or control just doesn’t work and never will. When I could consider that the Middle East may be one of these ‘unsolvable problems’, then I was able to find, deep at the core of my Being, a well of empathy and compassion for everyone engaged in and affected by the conflict.

Which brings me back to America today.

At this point, I think everything that can be said about the U.S. presidential election has been said. We are now in the homestretch.

I don’t know what will happen on November 5th. I am pretty sure neither the extremists on the Left nor the extremists on the Right side of our ideological divide will accept losing gracefully. There may or may not be violence during and after the election. The tension and acrimony we have seen during this presidential race will probably persist. It’s even conceivable that our polarization could become as intractable as the mess in the Middle East. Somehow we must find, within ourselves, compassion for each other and a willingness to allow ourselves to be used by a possibility larger than the current state of political and ideological divisiveness.

Personally, I remain committed to the proposition that Kamala has already won. Yet, regardless of who wins, I believe there is serenity and power in continuing to try to co-create a future that will work for all of us. And so I am committed to the next four years being about rebuilding relationships and accepting reality as it is, whatever it is.

I plan to take some time after the election to digest and reflect on the results of the certification, whatever they may be. So this will be my last posting for a few weeks. I will see you AT THE CROSSROADS again in early December.

Thank you for your continued engagement at this most important and future-defining point in our world’s emerging history.

____

Originally published November 1, 2024 at Jim Selman’s Substack “At the Crossroads“